Is Marriage or Couples Therapy required in Nigeria, and can it assist with the high divorce or separation rate?
Marriage counselling is a form of psychotherapy. It is beneficial to couples in all forms of intimate interactions. Marriage or couples therapy is usually brief and focused on problem-solving. It is predicated on the notion that partners each have their own set of beliefs and anxieties that influence how they interact with one another. Issues are discussed and assessed in marriage therapy sessions in order to discover common ground and coping skills that may be employed outside of marriage therapy sessions. The therapy improves effective communication by assisting in the resolution of disputes via talk rather than avoidance.
Few marriages or couple therapy tips according to Lisa Lavelle.
1. Oftentimes most couples in therapy, talk about their marriages in a very binary way, meaning it's good or it's bad. I love them or I hate them. We have sex or we don't. And sometimes that is binary. But one needs to realize that marriage is about holding the complexity. It's about both. And good marriages have bad days. You can love your partner and they can get on your nerves at the same time. Good partners can do bad things at the same time. The more you can look for opportunities in your marriage to hold them both and not turn it into an either-or situation, I think the better your marriage will be. It's about holding the complexity of who you are as individuals and who you are as a couple.
2. Long-distance relationships require two essential things. Number one, really good communication and by really good, like really good. You don't have the ease or privilege of being able to see your partner in person. So it means texting, FaceTiming, travelling to see each other and keeping your word. It's really important in long-distance relationships. The other thing that's important is that if this is a person with whom you really see yourself, the both of you should have an end game. And by an end game, meaning, are you going to move someplace together? Is this person going to move to where you are? Or are you going to move to where they are? For some couples, a permanent long-distance relationship works. But for the majority of couples, there needs to be an endgame with a plan in motion. If you do not have an endgame in your relationship, you need to think about it.
3. If you are married or you're in a relationship and your partner has friends of the opposite sex and you feel really triggered by their relationship, here are some questions or some things for you to think about. What specific specifically about the relationship is triggering for you? Number two, what would you need from your partner or what could your partner do for you to feel less triggered?. And what do you think this could be bringing up for you from your past or from a previous relationship? Of course, I think it's natural that in a relationship you are going to have friends and friends of the opposite sex. I also think it's really important that your partner feels comfortable with those friendships and that you work together to create a level of comfort and safety in your relationship for both of you.
4. If you are married. Effective and good communication with your partner requires you to have boundaries. If you are married and you want effective and good communication with your partner, it will require both of you to have boundaries. What that may look like for you Is this, it's very important that your partner not talk over you, that's a boundary that you have. You need to remind your partner when that is happening that it is frustrating. It feels like they are not listening to you and they're creating a monologue instead of a dialogue. So when they do that, they are letting you know that they're not ready to hear what you have to say and they're not ready to talk to you. Do not enable someone to cross your boundary.
1. Oftentimes most couples in therapy, talk about their marriages in a very binary way, meaning it's good or it's bad. I love them or I hate them. We have sex or we don't. And sometimes that is binary. But one needs to realize that marriage is about holding the complexity. It's about both. And good marriages have bad days. You can love your partner and they can get on your nerves at the same time. Good partners can do bad things at the same time. The more you can look for opportunities in your marriage to hold them both and not turn it into an either-or situation, I think the better your marriage will be. It's about holding the complexity of who you are as individuals and who you are as a couple.
2. Long-distance relationships require two essential things. Number one, really good communication and by really good, like really good. You don't have the ease or privilege of being able to see your partner in person. So it means texting, FaceTiming, travelling to see each other and keeping your word. It's really important in long-distance relationships. The other thing that's important is that if this is a person with whom you really see yourself, the both of you should have an end game. And by an end game, meaning, are you going to move someplace together? Is this person going to move to where you are? Or are you going to move to where they are? For some couples, a permanent long-distance relationship works. But for the majority of couples, there needs to be an endgame with a plan in motion. If you do not have an endgame in your relationship, you need to think about it.
3. If you are married or you're in a relationship and your partner has friends of the opposite sex and you feel really triggered by their relationship, here are some questions or some things for you to think about. What specific specifically about the relationship is triggering for you? Number two, what would you need from your partner or what could your partner do for you to feel less triggered?. And what do you think this could be bringing up for you from your past or from a previous relationship? Of course, I think it's natural that in a relationship you are going to have friends and friends of the opposite sex. I also think it's really important that your partner feels comfortable with those friendships and that you work together to create a level of comfort and safety in your relationship for both of you.
4. If you are married. Effective and good communication with your partner requires you to have boundaries. If you are married and you want effective and good communication with your partner, it will require both of you to have boundaries. What that may look like for you Is this, it's very important that your partner not talk over you, that's a boundary that you have. You need to remind your partner when that is happening that it is frustrating. It feels like they are not listening to you and they're creating a monologue instead of a dialogue. So when they do that, they are letting you know that they're not ready to hear what you have to say and they're not ready to talk to you. Do not enable someone to cross your boundary.
5. When it comes to marriage, couples, relationships, partnerships, and conflict, goal setting is important. It's not the same goal as the Football Finals. It's not the same goal as the NBA finals. It's not the same goal as the BBA finals. All of those goals are to win or to lose. If you are married, in a partnership, or in a relationship with someone that you love, that you truly love, and you are playing the long game, the goal is to resolve the conflict. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, because you're on the same team. The goal is to resolve the conflict so that your marriage, your relationship, or your partnership wins.
6. If you and your partner are just stuck in your communication pattern and you keep having the same type of argument and the same dance in your argument over and over, one thing that is encouraged to do if you haven't done this already is trying to ask your partner nicely without offending him/her on how their parents or how their guardians managed conflict. How did they argue? How did they make up, and how did they shut affection? This will give you and your partner a lot of insight into how you show up in your own relationship when it comes to communication.
7. Is your partner legitimately busy, or are they finding a way to passively avoid you? They are working late and getting on another project and staying up late to stay at work to focus. Or they could be at home and work from home. Are they legitimately busy? Are they finding a way to passively avoid you? They are spending all of their time with the kids and being super parents, and that is awesome. And they're too exhausted to spend time with you because they've been with the kids. Are they legitimately busy, or are they passively avoiding you? They're doing their hobbies this weekend, next weekend, and every weekend. Are they legitimately busy, or are they passively avoiding you? Watch out for these warning signs in your relationship and have a conversation with your partner about them.
You could follow @lisalavelletherapy on Instagram for more Tips.
Though the notion of not seeking a therapist appears to be disregarded in Nigeria. Therapy may actually aid many Couples out there in determining how to resolve their issues rather than going to family or friends for support. If there are good therapists in Nigeria who are specialists in their industry and know how to keep their clients problems confidential, they should attempt it.
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